There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize