Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he puts the penis in happiness.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
