im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
