***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wannas sexs uuuuu
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
