I think I won the penis lottery.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
