i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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