I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize