do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
