I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
