they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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