You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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