then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
