i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize