I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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