oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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