i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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