Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
