Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
