My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
