I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
