I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
