i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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