Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
