I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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