so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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