Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
