my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pants are for mortals
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
