cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
