DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
