Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
