She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
