the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
