Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am naked and annoyed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
