Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
