so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
