i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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