shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
