just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize