yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
