took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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