Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
