took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
