I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
