Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How external is "for external use only"?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
