Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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