I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
