She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
