I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
