Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
