Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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