based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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