That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
