then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
