he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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