I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
