but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize