I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
