can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
