watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
