WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sext me about skeletons
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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