I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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