She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
