Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
