I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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