WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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