Just cropdusted the office
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
