her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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