I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
