I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
