I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
