I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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