I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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