I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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